Tag Archives: life

Knot to Nest

27 Apr

During the time that Steve and I were planning our wedding, I signed up on a mailing list for something called The Knot. For the uninitiated, The Knot is one of those horrendously expensive bridal magazines that’s full of tips on what sort of wedding favours are “in” this season and which twenty-thousand dollar dress is best suited to your body type. And of course, they have an extensive website through which you can purchase said trendy wedding favours, partake of the Bridezilla-laden message boards, set up a wedding website of your very own… and sign up for the mailing list. Which is what I did.

An interesting thing happened after my wedding day. In the months, weeks, and days leading up to September 20th, they sent me information that was actually relevant and useful. Little reminders as to what should already be done at what point in time, handy checklists, and so on. It helped to give order to the chaos. However, after September 20th, something strange happened. The Knot suddenly became The Nest. And what does The Nest send me?

Helpful information about how I can salvage my marriage, which has obviously been crumbling since day one.

I rarely bother reading The Nest newsletters, and yet I don’t unsubscribe, because sometimes they send something I find deeply, deeply amusing. Within two weeks of the wedding, they’d sent me information on how to spice up my now-boring sex life. Today they sent me an article all about how I can use my husband’s body language to determine if… or rather, when… he’s lying to me.

Who are these women that are marrying lying, cheating men who are bad in bed?

There’s this weird cultural myth that tells us, once you get married, everything gets shot to hell. Where does that come from? There are references everywhere to the supposed fact that everything changes after the wedding night, from sexless-marriage jokes on sitcoms to all the people who have been asking “So… how’s married life?” like it’s somehow vastly different from engaged-and-living-together life. It hasn’t been. For me at least.

I’m really curious where the marriage-as-your-doom thing comes from. Is it pop culture peer pressure? An antiquated holdover from the days that it was taboo for an unmarried couple to live together (and thus, things would have changed radically after the wedding)? Something the media makes us believe so they can get us to buy their self-help magazines? Some combination thereof?

For the record, married life is actually really awesome.

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I Read A Book and Now I’m Mad!

17 Apr

Yesterday I randomly pulled a book from my shelf and began to read it. Well, re-read it. The book in question (which I will not name because it’s sort of embarrassingly bad) was one that I adored in high school. You know the books that you read several times in a row and carry with you for months because they resonate with you so much? When I was 16, this was one of those books for me.

Please take into account that when I was 16, I was also goth. I did not make the best choices at 16. Anyway…

So I selected this book and delved into it and spent the better part of my day reading. By the time I was, oh, about a third of the way through, I realized something: this book is responsible for having shaped approximately 73% of my adult personality.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.

Yesterday, it made me really mad… mad about what, I couldn’t say. All I knew is that I was pissed off and crawling out of my skin, so I went for a drive, and I bought shoes, and I sort of flirted with the too-young-for-me-anyways-and-either-way-I’m-married salesguy, and he sort of flirted back, and for a moment I was like “…still got it!” but then I went right back to being mad about nothing again. And I drove and I felt boxed in by the very city I live in and have always lived in… like I wouldn’t allow myself to drive beyond certain roads or highway exits, lest I get lost or end up somewhere too far away in a fit of complete insanity.

Adult life is so strange because you have things like credit cards and a car and you honestly could just abandon it all and take off at a moment’s notice to start over somewhere new, if that’s what you really wanted. When I was in high school, I found out that this kid I went to elementary school with, his mom had met some guy online and she had taken off to Texas to go be with him. Just up and abandoned her family. I would never, never do that (I think it’s monstrous), but it’s strange to think about how easy that was for her to do, and how anybody with a way to get around and a means of paying for it all can just… go. (Incidentally, when I say easy, I don’t mean emotionally… I mean just physically moving from place to place, anywhere in the world you want to go. Difficult as a child, incredibly simple as an adult. I could fly to Azerbaijan tomorrow if I wanted to.)

I’m not sure what any of this means, really… if I should quit my job or go back to school or go back to playing guitar or travel or go on mood stabilizers or just never, never read that book ever again. In any case, it’s interesting to think about. So many people, myself included, complain about feeling stuck or trapped or tethered, but it’s actually very easy to just cut loose and go try to make a name for yourself somewhere else, in some other circumstance. So what is it that we feel tethered by, exactly, and how do we go about breaking away from that? If we even should?

Questions, questions…

You’d really laugh at me if you knew what book it was that had me in this state of mind, just by the way.

My thrilling life.

10 Aug

Blaaaaaah so much is happening. But I promised I wouldn’t abandon you and as such… here I am! With just a quick update to let you know what’s been going on… but hey, better than nothing, right?

Steve & I took a little out of town trip about a week ago now, to attend his friend’s wedding. It was nice, and kind of peculiar, and fun, and they really raised the bar on favours, giving everybody this crazy candy dish thing, all packaged up with glitter and a thank you note. Steve & I are sticking with mix cd’s and fudge. Sorry, wedding guests. Anyway, it was a tiring trip, even though we only went to Toronto. I don’t like travelling. At all. It makes me angry.

A bit of advice: You know what you should not do when you are in the final stages of planning your wedding? Attend someone else’s wedding. Because it will only serve to remind you how much you have yet to do. So, I’ve been in panic mode ever since we got back to town. “Oh no we have to write our vows because the officiant has to approve them but we can’t meet our officiant until we have procured our marriage license oh god when will we get our marriage license we never have time off together! And we have to have a meeting at the venue and Genevieve will be expecting us to have gotten things done but we can’t do our table arrangements because we are still waiting on reply cards and oh my goddddddddddd!”

And on top of that… we move into our new apartment tomorrow.

So that’s where I’ve been.

I’m very tired.

And yet, still going to see Funny People tonight! Yay!