My Body Aches.

6 Oct

Like seemingly every other bride-to-be, I decided in the months leading up to the wedding that I wanted to try to drop a few pounds.

Unlike seemingly every other bride-to-be, I decided shortly thereafter just to say screw it. It’s not like they don’t know what I look like. So on my wedding day, I was fat and happy. Partly because they wouldn’t stop feeding us! There are some excellent photographs of us literally choking down our wedding cake because we’re so damn full. You know that rumour about how the bride and groom always go hungry on their wedding day? It’s not true! Anyway… as I was saying… fat and happy…

But now that the wedding is behind us and I no longer have things like seating charts and diy guestbooks to fret about, I figured maybe it’s finally time to start being a little more active again. I have low back problems which flare up when I’m becoming too sedentary, and I was noticing that old familiar twinge, so I busted out some exercise dvds that have been collecting dust on the shelves since… well, since I bought them.

Can I just say, one of my favourite things in the world is watching the instructors on those dvds getting progressively more exhausted. One of the best I’ve ever seen is from Carmen Electra’s stripper series… it’s the one where she and a trainer are just doing basic cardio, none of that peeler bar stuff. Her trainer just bounces right on through it as Carmen Electra begins to die. I love it.

One of my least favourite things in the world, however, is not being able to get through even the beginner’s workout on whatever dvd I have selected for the day… and still feeling like hell afterwards! Yesterday I followed a program that was sort of a combination of aerobic exercise and strength training (the kind that uses your body’s own resistance, as opposed to using weights), and it knocked me out. I literally passed out for three hours after completing this simple half hour workout, which of course allowed copious amounts of lactic acid to build up and thus I now feel like hell. Even my lower abs hurt. I used to work out with a trainer. I used to take belly dancing classes. My lower abs never hurt. So that’s a good thing, I suppose.

Not such a good thing is the fact that I can barely move.

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