Wedding Deets… Withheld.

2 Oct

So I guess you’re probably interested in hearing about the wedding. You might even be wondering, given the fact that Steve and I didn’t take a proper honeymoon right away, why I haven’t yet sat down to relive every moment and share it with you all.

Partly, it’s because I’m just being selfish. With every day that passes, I feel myself getting further and further away from it all… and all I want to do is hold it close and not let it go. There’s a part of me that feels like writing about it pushes it away… I guess because it forces me to acknowledge that it’s all just a memory now? Also there’s something very sad about writing about my wedding in the past tense. There was so much excitement leading up to the day, and then the day itself was just so, so perfect. ‘Tis better to have loved and lost and all that, but it’s still tremendously sad that it’s all over with now. Lastly… so much of it is just a blur. I only have a few salient memories from the entire day. I feel like it’s pointless to convey those few snippets to you, because it wouldn’t paint nearly a perfect enough picture of everything that happened.

What I will tell you is this: It was absolutely heavenly. I loved every moment, from the nerves in my belly upon waking up to the car ride to Bean Town, to the carriage rides, to the faces Steve pulled involuntarily when I walked in the room, to the way my voice cracked in the middle of my vows, to how the opening strains of Do You Realize sounded so thunderous as the officiant introduced us as Mr. and Mrs., to the bonfire, to dancing to “our song” (The Luckiest by Ben Folds) on a tiny island as spectacular fireworks exploded overhead, to the cedar cabin with the giant bathtub built for two and a tree filled with fairy lights overhanging the bed.

That cabin. I will never forget the smell of that cabin as long as I live. It prompted me to tell Steve that we need to get something made of cedar to put in the apartment, so we can always have that smell with us. Unfortunately I woke up to an asthma attack around six in the morning… because of this, Steve told me that he thought perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to bring cedar into the apartment after all. I told him there’s a difference between having cedar in your house versus living in a house of cedar, and I still want to find something to get that smell near me again. I don’t care what. Perfume, some sort of home furnishing, shavings for the rabbit cage. I’ll take anything.

At some point in time, I’ll do a little review of the various services and vendors that we used. I have some absolute raves to share, as well as some cautionary tales. But in terms of the wedding itself, I’m afraid that’s all you get. It was perfect, it was spectacular, it was everything I could have hoped for it to be… but it was mine, and I’m just not ready to share it yet.

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