Excitement/Futility

14 May

As long as I can remember, I’ve stayed up nights. Sometimes (most times) I’m worried about things… things I have to do, whether I’ll be stuck in a job I hate for the rest of my life, the state of my teeth from so much unconscious grinding. Other times, though, it’s from a charge of nervous excitement.

There are so many things I want to do… I mean, dammit, I’m smart! I want a Smart Job someday! But I’d have to go back to school… dammit, I want to go back to school, so I can study for a Smart Job! But school takes money… money that I don’t have… and what to study in the first place? Would I have to go to grad school? I’m not so sure about grad school… oh screw it, I could just take correspondence classes in science and see if I like it! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!

And then I kind of just want to dance all night, thinking about all the things I could do.

And then eventually I fall asleep… and I wake up and don’t actually do any of them.

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