Archive | May, 2009

Gettin’ Healthy…

29 May

So I’ve been trying to be more health conscious lately. No calorie counting or monitoring of fat grams or anything. Just trying to get outside every once in awhile and eating more plants and fish. 

And I can’t believe how good I’m feeling. 

I’ve learned that I really like to sweat, although I couldn’t tell you why. I like the way my muscles feel when they’re on the mend. I like feeling full to bursting with vegetables and seeds and other such scrumptious things. And lots of tea. 

I’m also sleeping well, for the first time in my life. I’m almost afraid to jinx it by saying that. But yeah. Asleep before midnight, awake and refreshed by 8:30 a.m. If you knew me, you’d know this is a huge accomplishment. Yesterday, I didn’t even need a nap! HUGE! ACCOMPLISHMENT!

Excitement/Futility

14 May

As long as I can remember, I’ve stayed up nights. Sometimes (most times) I’m worried about things… things I have to do, whether I’ll be stuck in a job I hate for the rest of my life, the state of my teeth from so much unconscious grinding. Other times, though, it’s from a charge of nervous excitement.

There are so many things I want to do… I mean, dammit, I’m smart! I want a Smart Job someday! But I’d have to go back to school… dammit, I want to go back to school, so I can study for a Smart Job! But school takes money… money that I don’t have… and what to study in the first place? Would I have to go to grad school? I’m not so sure about grad school… oh screw it, I could just take correspondence classes in science and see if I like it! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!

And then I kind of just want to dance all night, thinking about all the things I could do.

And then eventually I fall asleep… and I wake up and don’t actually do any of them.

Folders.

13 May

It occurs to me that I’m obsessed with folders. Well… maybe not so much folders themselves, as the concept of folders.

Every night, when I check my email, I get a little stressed out. Lord knows why. It never goes beyond mailing lists, spam, notes from friends, and the odd bit of wedding planning. However, I’m always overcome with a horrible urge to just star the important things and shut down the browser for “later”… a later that never comes, of course. After the initial wave of anxiety passes, I always find myself thinking, “This would be so much easier if I would just organize the messages into folders…”

My music. I have yet to figure out the mac system of desktop organization. It baffles me. As such, I feel lost and adrift… and constantly, I yearn for the predictable, unchanging folders of Windows. It was a simpler time.

My papers. I have visions… literally, visions… of a massive binder, all broken up with dividers (with tabs!) into various sections. Wedding, Girl Guides, Finances, et cetera. At this point, it’s practically a wet dream.

I think what it comes down to is the fact that when I’m disorganized, I feel constantly stressed. But I’m just a very disorganized person by nature. Even when I have folders at my disposal, they quickly fall into disarray. So I don’t tend to keep them around. And yet somehow, I manage to attribute them with this mythical status… “If I could just get my hands on some folders, then everything would be okay…” Haha, if only!

So… that just happened.

7 May

At about 1:30 in the morning, Steve rolled over in his sleep, and gently placed his hand atop my head. 


I’m not sure exactly what gesture of affection he was aiming for… but I’m pretty sure he missed. I mean, who does that? Or is this the new move taking place in movie theatres and parents’ basements across the nation? Is this the new yawn-and-stretch? 

His hand rested on my head from 1:35 to 1:42 a.m. He was asleep the whole time. 

Honestly, it was awesome.

Feelin’ like death…

6 May

Aurrgh. I am having a terrible day! Not because terrible things have been happening, but because I feel terrible generally.

2009, you are such a bust.

I have the internet again!

1 May

There’s really nothing more to say right now. But oh, I’m so glad! I missed you, internet. Did you miss me too?