At a crossroads.

4 Apr

I really feel like I’m at a standstill lately. To be sure, when I was in school, I had no bloody idea why I was there… no future goals in mind or any such stuff. More just that it was The Thing To Do. In retrospect that’s really funny, because university was also The Thing To Do coming straight out of high school, and I didn’t feel pressured to do it then. So why, at age 24-ish, did I suddenly succumb to it? Weird.

Anyway… I graduated quietly in November. I didn’t attend convocation. I was sent a letter in the mail that told me I would officially graduate at such-and-such a time on such-and-such a day. Pretty sure I was working in the shop on the day of the ceremony. I remember glancing at the clock on the computer and remarking that I had just officially graduated. Although I had planned to, I didn’t end up celebrating in any way, shape, or form.

Given the fact that I rarely attended classes when I actually was a student, I didn’t feel altogether very different upon my graduation. I still don’t feel at all different. In fact, I feel like my post-secondary education is something that never happened at all. I still can’t get a job beyond the confines of the local shopping centre. It’s a little terrifying.

Which I guess is why I had wanted the thing with U of O to come through… I could go back, take my studies more seriously, diversify my degree, figure out a plan. But they said no, and now all I’m left with is the “figure out a plan” part.

I’ve determined my options are as follows: Upgrade the degree one way or another as a part time student. I’ll just have to scrounge up the cash somehow. The question is… do I take uni level courses at my alma mater as a “special student” (read: if they have space, they have to let me in) that will pad my existing degree, or do I take college level courses at… uh… my other alma mater… where I can achieve a “certificate” of some sort. Is a “certificate” even worth anything?

I’m also torn on what sorts of classes to take. If I go the college route, I can take a whole new program. I’m thinking Social Service Worker, Trauma/Addiction Recovery Studies, Law Clerk, Crisis Management, or… Veterinary Assistant. If I go back to university, I can take additional classes… I’m thinking I’d like to do some in law and/or social work, and I’d like to obtain my “teachables” so that if I decide in the future that yes, I really do want to be a teacher, then I’ll at least be qualified for teachers’ college.

What I need is someone capable of just sitting down with me and helping me figure it all out. You know those tests they give you in high school to help figure out what career you’re best suited for? Those are great and all, but they really don’t go far enough, do they? I took some recently and the results told me that my #1 most suitable career choice would be a position with the clergy. Which is great and all, except the quiz didn’t ask one very pertinent question, that question being DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? It would be nice of those career aptitude tests could be a little more thorough, and ultimately tell you the good and the bad aspects of whatever careers it points you toward, so you can make a more informed decision and plan. Call me crazy.

Anyway… I’m just venting. Ultimately I think it’s good that U of O said I missed the boat on fees exemption, because it forces me to focus a little bit more on what I need to do, as opposed to just going back to school in hopes of feeling like I’m being productive when really all I’m doing is delaying the inevitable (becoming a real grown up!) just a leeeetle bit longer.

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