What I Did Today, Among Other Things.
Happy xmas eve day!
I am using the word “today” somewhat erroneously in my heading, because today is technically the 24th, and the “today” to which I am referring happens to be the 23rd. But, as I am inclined to think of my todays as being “the periods of time between sleeps,” I am simply going to refer to the past 36 hours or so as “today.” So… Things I Did Today:
+ I went to work. 8 solid hours of holiday hell.
+ I went to the library, because one of my holds came in. After I hit the publish button, I fully intend to read said book, no matter how tired I am.
+ I created The Official (My Place of Employment and Shop Number) Wouldn’t Say No 2010 Pin Up Calendar for a co-worker. (I will explain this later.)
+ I wrapped about 20 presents. No lie.
+ I baked honey chocolate chip cookies.
+ I made that bizarre but so good “fudge” that you make with condensed milk and chocolate chips.
+ I ripped out the chunk of my Ravenclaw scarf that went too terribly awry for me to tolerate.
When you list it out like that, it doesn’t actually seem like all that much. But trust me… I am exhausted.
So, what exactly is the Wouldn’t Say No Pin Up Calendar? Quite simply, it’s a calendar that features pictures of sexy old men, or men who are otherwise conventionally unattractive but to whom you still wouldn’t say no. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. During one particularly boring shift, my coworkers and I came up with a (fairly extensive) list of such men (ex: Patrick Stewart, Liam Neeson, Alex Trebek… but only with the mustache), and tonight, in the name of xmas, I took it upon myself to turn said list into a pin up calendar. The best part was googling things like “sexy old man with weights” and “art attack guy” (yeah, he’s on there), and then sifting through the results in order to find the dreamiest image.
Also, in magical thinking news, I totally used The Secret to score myself some Olympic mittens today! Okay, not really, but here’s the story: A couple of days ago, Steve told me that Olympic mittens are supposed to be the hottest xmas gift going this year. I railed against Olympic garb for awhile, saying things like “You’re not an olympian, why do you need the uniform?” and so on and so forth. But then I noticed my mother had a pair in the backseat of her car (which we had borrowed due to some sudden strange noises emanating from my steering column)… and I thought they were actually pretty cute. So I reconsidered my position. Then, this morning on my bus ride to work, I noticed a girl wearing a pair, and they looked adorable and patriotic and warm. You guys know well enough by now how obsessed I am lately with staying warm, right? So I grew covetous of the Olympic mittens, and I cursed myself for not discovering their brilliance sooner, because apparently they are really hard to get a hold of right now. It’s like the Cabbage Patch phenomenon of the 80’s, but for grownups. Long story short, my manager totally gave me a pair for xmas! So you see? It’s true! Ask the universe for the things your heart desires, and the universe shall provide.
And just in case you were wondering, the steering column was just rusty. If your car ever starts making a noise to suggest that a hobgoblin has taken up residence under the hood, rest assured: it’s a simple case of a rusty steering column.
Dear Brain, I’d Like Some Sleep…
It’s one of those nights. You know the kind of nights I mean. The ones where you’re exhausted beyond repair, and you really want to sleep, but your brain starts motoring along, telling you about all the things you ought to be doing instead of sleeping. Currently, my brain is very excited. It wants to read every unread book lining my bookshelf (and trust me, there are plenty). It also wants to re-read the Harry Potter books. It wants to watch the Harry Potter movies, too. And knit a Harry Potter scarf. Actually, according to a selection of online quizzes, I would be placed squarely in Ravenclaw, and thus my brain wants to knit not one, but two Harry Potter scarves: One in the book-purist colours (blue and bronze), and one in the movie colours (blue and grey, an arguably prettier colour scheme). My brain is also telling me to hurry up and finish cleaning the bedroom before xmas. Then it starts going on about all the xmas chores that I have yet to do (such as wrapping a single gift).
Clearly, my brain wants to be doing something right now. Even though I’m dead tired. Want some evidence of how tired I am? Today at work, a man who vaguely resembled Matthew Perry came through my till. For a moment, my heart leapt up and my eyes bulged out of my head, as I honestly believed I was ringing up soap for Chandler Bing. And tonight, upon noticing a very bright light shining off in the distance, I interpreted it as a firecracker over the Peace Tower. Never mind the fact that today is not a fireworks-worthy holiday (or a holiday of any sort, to the best of my knowledge). Never mind the fact that fireworks aren’t giving to hovering in the sky, frozen solid in mid-explosion.
It’s total monkey mind, my friends.
Fun fact: I read once that a far more significant portion of the population hears voices in their heads than what statistics would lead us to believe. Why? Because the voices aren’t always disturbing; they’re simply there. And nobody complains about it if it doesn’t bother them. I’m pretty sure I am one such person. The monkey in my mind never shuts up, quite frankly. As such, I believe he is deserving of a name. How about Alan?
And with that, I’m off to bed! Not to sleep, necessarily, but possibly to get started on a book, or perhaps a scarf.
It’s My Day Off! What Shall I Do?
Today is my lone day off of the week. Working retail during the holidays is madness. As something of a compulsive list-maker, I feel it necessary to write down all the things I’d like to do over the course of the next 24 hours or so. That way I can periodically consult my list to ensure I have truly made the most of my day off.
1) Sleep in to a ridiculous hour. (Done.)
2) Eat squares for breakfast! This is one of the things I love about being grown up. Yes, there are bills, and tasks, and stress, and work, but if I decide that I’d like to sleep in to 11:30 on my day off and have a breakfast composed entirely of holiday treats, who can stop me?
3) Get my jeans hemmed. I have that unfortunate thick-waisted, flat-assed, short-legged body type. If you referred to me as “squat,” I wouldn’t so much be offended as I would agree with you. Perhaps if I cut down on the breakfasts composed entirely of holiday treats, that wouldn’t be the case. In any event, finding new jeans that I like is a job and a half. What fits in the waist almost never fits in the bum, and nothing is ever a short enough inseam. Thus, when I find jeans that match 2 out of 3 criteria (waist and bum fitting well), I don’t hesitate. I buy ‘em and get my mom to hem ‘em, because she’s really good at that.
5) Buy presents for co-workers. Also buy gift wrap. The very last of my xmassy shopping.
6) Re-watch Love Actually, possibly twice. Love Actually is a movie that I sort of wish had been made without the holiday element. Why? Because I think that overall, the story could have been told at any time of year, but because it revolves around xmas, I only get a hankering to watch it at xmas. But I love it. And I want to want to watch it more often. Since I don’t, I just have to pack as many viewings as possible into the days directly preceding xmas as I possibly can.
My biggest decision of the day revolves around whether I should wear sparkly grey eyeshadow or red lipstick. My life is so hard (she said with a wink). BYE!
Song of the Day.
Song of the year, whatever. Honestly, I haven’t been able to get this song out of my head since the first day I heard it. It doesn’t matter what else is stuck in my head at the time, there’s always a constant chorus of “Rome Rome Rome Rome…” playing softly in the background.
Buckley’s vs. Benylin: Your Definitive Conclusion (based on my personal experience and opinions).
Apparently a lot of people are finding my blog by searching “Benylin vs. Buckley.” I gave both brands a namecheck during my bout with swine flu, but didn’t really go into a detailed review of either. Thus, I am here now to elaborate fully on my opinion of Benylin vs. Buckley’s.
FLAVOUR.
Buckley’s: I’ve noted in the past that even though the slogan for Buckley’s is “it tastes awful, and it works,” I don’t personally find it that bad. It’s mildly unpleasant, to be sure, but overwhelmingly it just tastes of pine trees. You feel as though you are imbibing something natural and wholesome that will cure you of all ills. Remember though, it’s fundamentally sap and drugs.
Benylin: Tastes like sugar sweetened death. Like tasting the scent of formaldehyde with a candy coating. I honestly don’t know what flavour they were aiming for here. Usually, the sweeter cough remedies aim for “cherry” or “grape,” but this just tastes like a Mary Poppins’ spoonful of sugar gone wrong.
APPEARANCE AND VISCOSITY.
Buckley’s: I am not going to sugar-coat this. It reminds me of semen every time I pour out a spoonful. There. The truth is out there. That is to say, it’s an off-white, slightly milky in appearance, slightly thick sort of goo.
Benylin: The screaming bright red colour does nothing to assuage my feeling that this is indeed some sort of nuclear byproduct. Viscosity is normal for cough syrup; runny yet thick enough to be sticky.
NEED A CHASER?
Buckley’s: I don’t. Husband does. They recommend mixing it with equal parts honey if you can’t man up and take it straight. One thing I do not recommend is following a hit of Buckley’s with a serving of orange juice. Just trust me on this one.
Benylin: Husband doesn’t. I do. In fact, I needed to brush my teeth.
EFFECTIVNESS IN CALMING COUGH.
Buckley’s: Hours upon hours of relief. Cough does not disappear, but rather, becomes tolerable. Relief is felt for 4 – 6 hours (at which time you are conveniently allowed another dosage).
Benylin: Mere moments. It was about 10 minutes before I was coughing my throat raw all over again. But you’re not allowed a second dose after just 10 minutes. So in that regard, Benylin kind of screwed me.
EFFECTIVENESS IN TREATING OTHER SYMPTOMS.
Buckley’s: No such benefits noticed. It clears your head a bit after you first take a dose, but after that, it’s really only the cough that goes away. Aches and chills remain.
Benylin: Well well well. Point Benylin! This is the area where Benylin excels. Although I didn’t notice any real effect on calming my cough, Benylin is definitely a soothing product in other regards. After taking it, a pleasant warm sensation came over me and while I was still achey, it didn’t bother me quite as much.
OVERALL:
Duh. Buckley’s takes it.
Of course, in all fairness, everybody is going to react differently to different drugs and just because I find the taste of pine trees more palatable than that of medicine doesn’t mean you will agree. In truth, there’s probably no better medicine than lots of sleep and whatever your doctor deems appropriate for you. But for those of you (and I can see that there are many) who would rather resort to the internet for advice on Buckley’s vs. Benylin, there you have it.
It should go without saying that nobody ever pays me to say anything, but I’ll say it again: Everything you read here is based entirely on personal experience with products that I bought with my hard earned money.
Song of the Day
I can’t get Shimmy Shimmy Ya out of my head.
Blank Of The Day.
Song of the day:
The Dandy Cowboys by Soko.
Drink of the day:
I'll have a grande gingerbread latte, please.
Lust of the day:
The new issue of Nylon. Is that Hilary Duff I see??
Holiday Wishes!
All things considered, there’s not very much I want for xmas this year. Some people will examine the list to follow and shout “LIAR!” Those are people who have never seen a typical xmas at my house. It. Is. Madness. Anyway, consider this the first official Kisses Are Delicious gift guide, if you will, chock full of goodies fit for a girl just like me!
The Flock Apart necklace from Modcloth.com
Look how pretty! What’s better than one birdie on your necklace? Two birdies on your necklace, of course! I love how simple yet unique this piece is.
Band on the Run Shades from Modcloth.com
I am forever shattering my sunglasses, which is a shame, because I have a really hard time finding pairs that I like. The arms on these remind me of swans, which makes them more interesting than your average pair of five dollar gas station shades. I suppose if I found these under the tree, I’d also need a case in which to preserve them…
La La Love You poster by sparklepower.etsy.com
What better way to add a splash of colour to stark white apartment walls than a colourful poster inspired by a Pixies song? Comes in lots of different colours. I’m partial to the aqua and magenta, and the fuchsia and tan versions myself.
Love Velo Necklace by cacacake.etsy.com
Awwwww, you guys know how I feel about this necklace! I heart it so deeply, it might actually be grounds for divorce.
Apple and Snow White laptop skin by coolandkawaii.etsy.com
‘NUFF SAID.
Holiday treats from Bath and Body Works
I know Bath and Body Works is sort of “been there done that” for a lot of people, but it’s brand new to my city and I’m still enjoying the novelty factor. Their 3-in-1’s smell just as good as Philosophy’s without costing a flobbetyjillion dollars. I’d like to find xmassy shower gels and lipglosses in my stocking this year.
Sennheiser headphones from futureshop.ca
I can’t go on much longer without a proper pair of headphones. My current pair is a set of earbuds that I bought at Wal Mart for $12.99. They feature tiny enamelled elephants. Something tells me they don’t give the best sound quality. These would be better.
Flight of the Chonchords: The Complete Second Season from amazon.com
I love Brett and Jemaine. I refuse to pick a favourite. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME PICK A FAVOURITE!!!!!!!!
You know what we call that, friends? We call that a happy holiday season!
Earworms.
I keep getting the same two songs stuck in my head lately.
Bad Romance by Lady GaGa…
…and Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Every once in awhile I even get a little mental mashup of the two spinning around in my brain at the same time.
It’s too early to say for Bad Romance, but I actually think Maps recently made its way onto my All Time Favourite Songs list. Would you believe there was a time that I couldn’t stand the Yeah Yeah Yeahs? It took until Gold Lion for them to win me over. But now I love them, so I hope that all can be forgiven.
Things That I’m Scared Of.
I have a lot of fears in life.
Bees and other stinging insects.
I have been afraid of Things With Stingers for as long as I can remember. Normally I just use the term “bee” as a catchall phrase. When I say I’m scared of bees, I mean I’m scared of bumblebees, wasps, hornets, yellowjackets, etc. etc. etc. Mostly I’m afraid I’ll be deathly allergic to their venom and that someday I’ll get stung and die. That statement right there, though… there’s your evidence that the fear works. I’m 27 years old and I’ve yet to be stung by a bee.
Spiders/earwigs/etc.
Okay, so maybe I’m just scared of all bugs and insects. I’m okay with them being out there in the world; mostly I just don’t want them in my apartment. Especially my bedroom. I always have to shoo known intruding bugs out before I can fall asleep, because I worry that if I don’t, they will crawl in my ears and die there.
Other people.
I hate it when people walk too closely behind me or otherwise invade myself. Man, woman, child, white, black, doesn’t matter.
Crime.
Part of the reason I am scared of other people is because I assume everybody is out to rape/steal from/kill me.
Flying.
This is a fear I inherited from my mom, I think, and my life will forever be worse off for it. She always used to freak out about getting on planes whenever we would take family trips, and over time I guess it wore off on me, and now I hate the idea of travelling anywhere by air, ever. Too bad all the places worth going are an ocean away!
Travelling in general.
I don’t deal well with culture shock. I’m afraid of not being able to communicate with the locals. I’m afraid of not knowing what I’m eating. I’m afraid of not knowing where I’m going. It’s a shame because I believe travel is a worthwhile pursuit and I’d be interested in doing it if it wasn’t so damned terrifying!
Death.
It all comes back to this in the end, doesn’t it?
Animals.
Not all animals. But some. I’m afraid of unfamiliar and untethered dogs. Whenever I take a walk in even a remotely wooded area, I worry about cougars and/or bears. I don’t like to swim in the ocean because of potential shark situations.
Falling down.
Most people dislike falling down. I actively fear it. I believe I’m justified in this because I have a bad back, and falling down can provoke it. Still. Weird fear.
Skating.
An offshoot of the fear of falling. I can’t skate because of that.
Swimming in natural bodies of water.
Because of sharks, eels, snakes, jellyfish, and other assorted creatures of the lagoon.
By extension, getting water in my ear.
I have a hard time putting my head underwater because I’m afraid water will get in my ears.
Having things in my ears, period.
I REALLY HATE HAVING THINGS IN MY EARS. It was only recently that I was able to accept earbud headphones as a feasible alternative to those giant padded-speaker-on-a-headband type deals. I can’t stand it when I have to get my ears looked at at the doctor; I wince every time.
Drugs.
Legal or not, I’m always convinced that I’ll drop dead from some freak side effect.
I’m sure there are more I could probably come up with. So, why am I telling you all this? Quite simply, because the end of the year is closing in on us, my friends. That means it’s New Year’s Resolution making time. I always like to put some thought into my resolutions… this year, I think that maybe I should do some things that scare me.
I draw the line at the involvement of bees, though.
